Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
