my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
