Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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