Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
