would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They took my balls.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
