Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
