...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
