I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Who died my cat blue again?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
