just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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