u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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