We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
