i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize