Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
