Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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