Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
even my farts smell like vagina
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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