lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
