the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
