I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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