Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
