y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can text with my tongue
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
