Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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