I met the friendliest cop last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
be right there i have to get my cape
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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