And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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