sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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