You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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