Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
