REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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