There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize