I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize