I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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