Soap is not a condiment
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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