Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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