I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
