the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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