Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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