he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
