She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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