yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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