I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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