hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
