She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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