Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
