just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I understand Curling. That high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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