I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
