I heard we made out
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
