meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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