I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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