1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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