Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
