my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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