she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
