there's paper in my vomit.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
