kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
