i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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