Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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