that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
