ugly people sure do ruin things
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
