so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
