booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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