I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
