it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
