I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
