Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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