now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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