I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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