just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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