I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
