My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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