yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
